black and white and a story to tell
I can only say that I'm socially inept. All the personality disorder tests show that I'm an avoidant which I know very well is true. I can't speak my mind easily, I'm uncomfortable among strangers, I get worried over stupid interviews that turn out to be really simple conversations, I will awkward when there's a group of people talking and I never know when to speak and ending up keeping quiet. And when it come to kids... I hope for my sake and my children's sake that they are perfect angels. I'm not just hopelessly shy, because there IS still some hope in that case, I just well, cannot make it. Just today I was sitting in the bus 852 on one of those long side seats and next to me were Dawn and Ce Jin. Dawn has been my classmate from Sec 1 to 4 and Ce Jin is my current classmate (even though we don't really talk much) and I just felt really weird when I couldn't say anything to them while they were talking (yes, they know each other). There was just this uncomfortable feeling. And they weren't the only ones I knew in the bus, Loreen was sitting directly across but we kind of ignored each other and I didn't want to disturb her because she was listening to music and there was Wing Han (I have no idea how to spell her name) who was listening to music too and Alfred but he was seated really far from me. Anyway, he was talking to a group of friends so it would be weird if I interjected with a "Hi Alfred!" At least we waved goodbye so I know that he knew that I existed and was on board the same bus as him. It's quite ironic because I used to pretend not to know him although I recognised him as Zheng Liang's classmate and Constance's ex GP classmate and was quite sure he knew who I am. Actually, it might be a good thing that I pretended I didn't exist while Dawn and Ce Jin were talking in case I turned into an extremely bright lamppost. I'm seriously behind in all this who's with who thing. I mean I only found out someone was going out with someone this year when they've been together for a year and I found out after they broke up. During enrichment week, I should go for the theatre thing: The Importance of Being Kaypoh. At least I'll learn a thing or 2. Oh well, I need to learn how to deal with these kind of situations or at least be able to bear with it. I can't expect there to be someone who won't have anyone else to talk to but me boarding the same bus all the time. It's quite impossible. I was thought I'm just one of those who are introverted but not shy. Maybe it's the other way round, extroverted by shy if that's possible.

Anyway, I should be studying for Physics, especially since I messed up Newton's 2nd law in my last post. Momentum comes from Newton's 1st law where an object in motion will stay in motion. The concept of inertia. I have lots of inertia (both in the sense of physical mass and psychological way). It's going to take me a while to adapt to change. Old habits die especially hard for me. 2 more papers, Physics and Further Maths and then Physics SPA. I've decided I shouldn't try to feel anything about the papers because whatever I feel will not be reflected in my grades. What I meant was that if I feel a paper is tough, due to my wonderful good fortunes, I will do fine. When I feel the paper was super easy, I will find that I've been many stupid careless errors. I don't know if this is a matter of perspectives or because my luck has made my results some kind of buffer solution - the grades don't change much. I can't say the same for GP though, I need to feel good about the essay I've written. Even if I feel good about it, I may not do well but if I don't, I'll definitely do badly. If I can buffer my GP grades... after I work my way to a B3 or hopefully an A2. 5 marks is really a lot of marks.

Anyway, I've changed layout! Actually, I wanted to do this after Common Test but I was always get impatient and bored of studying so this happens. There's a story behind this layout, one I had been planning to write since last year but never got down to even though it's only going to be a short chapter. Briefly, it's about an entity that was summoned by a former court magician in disfavour with the king (or something along that line). Actually the story is more about the magician but the entity's the key thing being feature in the layout and who the layout is for. So the magician used the entity to either take revenge or put himself back in favour and he did get he want but he became more greedy and demanded for more but with his increasing greed, he got less of what he wanted because something wrong always happen. I don't know if it's because it was deliberately done by the entity or because of the laws of nature that stops people from getting everything they want. Oh well, the story is suppose to teach people that no matter how well they phrase their requests, there are bound to be loopholes that others will exploit. Or maybe the moral is there's no such thing as 'bu lao er huo' meaning gainning what you want without working for it. I don't know, the moral's not important, what's important is that the story highlights the beginning of one of my 2 favourite characters whom I thought of (and technically I only have 2 so they could be my least favourite at the same time but well...) I never got down to writing because I never thought carefully about what happened in between and how I'm going to write. I was thinking to write it in a simple manner, to make it childish but it's a weird plot for a children's story. I wouldn't want my children to read such a story. No moral or intellectual value. Haha. The story is just for my benefit really. But here's the layout, it's black and white, enjoy. =)

[edit]Here's a link to how my first layout for him looked like... actually I did kinda make a layout that featured him before this but it wasn't really dedicated to him.. oh well: zeroeth layout, first layout and you're looking at the 2nd one! =) [/edit]

posted by Yi Jun @ 7:53 pm. tag/comment?


previous - next

Gotta be Somebody - Monday, Apr. 13, 2009
hark each tree - Wednesday, Mar. 25, 2009
March! =D - Sunday, Mar. 01, 2009
7 deadly muffins - Thursday, Feb. 05, 2009
passion - Thursday, Dec. 18, 2008

the girl
20, DSTA scholar, Imperial College, ex-NJC, ex-05s06, ex-Angklung Ensemble, ex-IJ Sec, ex-4/2, ex-ARC, April 21st, Taurus, loves her family, *hearts*, wants everything and nothing, give her some loving?

the site
deviant.
photos.
tagboard.
current.
archives.
diaryland.

Featuring an old drawing of mine becauase I'm too lazy to draw. What else is new? At least I coloured it (nevermind how ugly and messy it is). If the words sound very familiar, think Heroes... and copy&paste.

the links
Christina / Constance / Ilona / Jie Ying / Joyce / Pei Wen / Xiao Ting / Guang Ling / Lionel / Terence / Xuan You / Reuben / Cecily / Mr Dzul / Priscillia / Yu Ning